Rant

I am pretty hungover today. Cachaca is harsh as fuck. Decided I had had a few tame days keeping a low profile and it was time to get lairy again. The owners of this hostel run a night on a Monday called Green Go party at a place called Mustafa´s (no sign of Simba) which is some bullshit night that all the travellers go to. Brazil nightlife is so backwards, its like Brighton in the 90s. Everyone stresses that you MUST bring your ID and when you get there and you don´t have it they´re like, ah no worries just come in anyway. You queue up at one bar and get a wrist band with a barcode on it and then you put money on it. Then you queue up at another bar to get your drink and they scan your wristband to see if you have enough cash. The problem with this is it takes twice a long to get your BOOZE and you have no idea how much drinks are or how much you have left!

I dont want to listen to Nicky Minaj and hear samba music, it´s shit. Someone needs to open a volks here. I want a rum and ginger ale with fresh lime and to hear Ed Solo. We have a boy from London at the hostel at the moment who was blasting some DnB from his Ipad last night so I went and stood right next to it and glued my ear to it. 

So good meeting more English people. I got well anti-social at the last hostel we were at and realised that I didnt actually make the effort to speak to ANYONE except the people in our room haha. I know it´s bad but as soon as I hear broken English I cannot be fucked! I know there won´t be any jokes! except really obvious ones!

So yes, missing jokes from home today. 

Last week we met a Canadian 50yr old dad who has been on the road since November 2012 living off his retirement money. He just drives round in his Jeep and has two surfboards and a skimboard. He let me borrow his 7´2 board which was a dream board and we went surfing at Praia Mole. I got out of the sea because my knee was open and raw and bleeding down my leg haha. I really wanted to go on his 6´4 board (the smaller the boarrd the faster you go) just to see if I could handle it but me knee couldnt handle anymore and trying to pop up with a raw knee on a heavily waxed board was harsh so I got out and let the air sting the fuck out of it. This trip is making me into a rock.... I landed directly on a crab and had to actually pull the crab´s little claw out of my baby toe when I jumped off my board the other day at Joaquina beach! 

We got back and Kerri watched a documentary about a canal with him (riverting Sunday night) whilst i ´worked´ - there is nothing for us to do here! the evening shift is just wondering around an empty hostel doing nothing! waste of time but at least it´s free accomodation!

The Brazilian bitch is still a bitch. She hasn´t been so bad to Kerri and tries to be nice to me sometimes but in my book she has fucked it and I will never like her. For example, she told me she liked my perfume the other day (I wasn´t wearing any) which was odd. She also keeps saying she ´looks like a nigger´ after a day in the sun, we told her she can´t say that and she just says, ´I know, but I look like a nigger´. Racist bitch. The other staff just give us single word responses when we try to make an effort wth them.

There is a super nice Thai girl who acts like a child, who´s fucking the owner but he treats her like shit. The owner is a big beefcake Brazilian guy who thinks he is the dogs bollocks and he runs it with his sister, who has black teeth from smoking twenty fags a minute. Then there is a lesbian couple. One has a shit, mullety hair cut who we were referring to as ´shit haircut´ for ages because we couldnt remember her name. She is the one who called me ´the English girl´ so the name learning thing is mutual, love. Her girlfriend has hardly any English so she is mostly a silent witness and when she asks you do something she gesticulates and you have to guess what it is she wants you to do, like a game of charades, haha. Then there is a new Argentinian guy who has no English at all either so speaking to him is short and sweet. He started pissing himself when I told him my knee cut was from surfing so he can fuck off as well.

We are waiting for some post and as soon as it comes we might do one because we just feel a bit unecessary here, which is a shit feeling - you can probably tell from my ranting tone today haha. Also it´s a really quiet hostel with really quiet people. Two german girls last night were diluting their caiparinhas last night with water. Who DOES that?! and then there is the crew of blonde guys from Finland or Denmark or somewhere viking-y and they just go on their laptops and then cook meat.

Some super posh sounding, super rich, gap yar 19 year old girls from Kent turned up too last week. They were really sweet but so naive! They are 2 weeks into their 5 month trip and have clearly had a lot of it sorted out for them by parents. They were like, `yar we booked our Inka trail with STA (so overpriced and expensive!) because it would have just been sooooo much hassle to sort out ourselves!´ Then they asked if they should take their kindles to the beach. One of them was puking her guts up from some sort of food poisioning. Then she had a mouthful of toast and was like ´oh my god I am literaaaarly fit to baarsting´. Liam if you are reading this, you know exactly what voice that is!

They saw Yogi the viking fucked off his nut at the pool party, floating around the pool on his back staring straight up at the sky with really intense, wide, focused eyes, bumping into the side of the pool with his head.

We went for late night swim in the lake the other night after a few bevs. Just stripped off to our bikinis and ran straight into it. We ran over to a boat, about 500 metres away and it didnt get any deeper than above the knee! so strange! Yogi the viking asked if we wanted to do it naked and we were like NO.

We are now living in a small apartment which is across the road from the hostel. It´s so nice having our own space AND we have a kitten from next door who always comes to play. We are sharing with a Brazilian guy called Gustafa but he is hardly ever there. The bitch is moving in on Friday though so watch this space.....

In other news I got a magnum last night on the way home, hardly a kebab but it was good! furthermore, I have so much love for the sausage dog! At least she´s safe :)