Christmas

So on Christmas eve I had work in the morning and was really hungover because there were a load of new faces at the hostel on Monday night to get drunk with. A new Brazilian girl called Barbara (babs to us) who fed me caiprihnas (absolute favourite cocktail) and A new Russian wigga called Sergey (pronounced SIR GAY) so we ripped him for a bit and he kept calling us gypsies because he wanted to be like Borat. His English slang was impressive and we taught him 'safe', 'fit' and 'sick' but he didnt understand fit and said in America if you see a girl with nice curves, she would be described as 'thick' and I said if you say "that girl is well thick" it's gonna sound harsh as fuck. But he wants to be black and so he'll continue using it.

Xmas eve we got food and and went and sat in a park on an ants nest and I was scared of getting actual ants in my actual pants because I was wearing hotpants and then a hobo started talking at us so we left and went and bought an ice cream as it was 24 degrees.

The hostel had a massive party on xmas eve, because xmas eve is huge in Brazil and the manager's Brazilian. 60 ppl from the other hostel came over and we met a really sweet Japanese girl, and two Saudi boys.

I guessed their country and was able to say something in Arabic after working with Saudi kids all summer.

Everyone played the didgeridoo and then a neighbour poked her head round the door and told us all to shudddduuup. 

On xmas day we woke up and Santa had of course been so we took our stockings outside to open them as it was 25 degrees. Kerri and I got each other a load of snacks that are perfect for a hangover -

(thoughtful and relevant)

and then we went back to the hostel because it was TOO HOT. everyone had gone to the other hostel for brunch and we'd missed out so we decided to walk into town with our shorts, t-shirts and Santa hats on and buy a lavish meal. En route a car beeped at us and someone shouted "Happy xmas" and then pulled up next to us and it was the Saudi boys. They said they were doing nothing so we invited them to get food with us on the condition that we were getting xmas dinner no matter what. We found a posh place and cracked on the three course xmas dinner with champagne (they had burgers) and we had a huge chat (Kerri was a hungover silent witness) about religion, owning camels, wearing white dresses in their passport photos, Ramadan, multiple wives, arranged marriages and chemical engineering!

Then we said bye and went home and I had a Portuguese reading lesson and hit the bud light and Kerri ate mascarpone and an Italian cooked us pasta for dinner.

Then I had to do a bar crawl and everyone was soo hungover that noone was even slightly up for it except a super polite gay American man, Fernando the happy Brazilian who drinks everyday and sleeps til 3, and an absolute nobby-no-friends 50yr old prick from Nottingham who, after asking where he was from said "im a citizen of the world...but you're from London aren't you" no actually I'm from South Cornwall. He said he'd been a squatter for 10 years and throughout the night kept obsessing over the cost of ATM machines, the cheap twat. I hated him. Everything he said was such a drain and everything anyone else said they had to repeat because he was deaf in one ear. Then he told a blonde joke. So the party crew walked into town which was mostly DEAD on xmas day night of course, walked past a pumping bar playing Pitbull - 'dont stop the party' and had to laugh because this party crew was sooo dry!! I didn't wanna drink cos I was already hungover from the party, Fernando didnt wanna drink when we got out cos of how dry the others were and 50yr old McGee wanted us all to get smashed on ale. Such a jokes situation.

Boxing day we went to the beach! Sunbathed in our bikinis! Got drunk! Smoked a cigar! Went out! Had a subway! Bed by 11!

Ate one piece of chocolate on xmas eve.

Happy alternative Christmas!!